edward hopper early sunday morning

i’m lonely’s the problem
occupied but not quite motivated or
fulfilled and i’m lonely’s the backdrop

annoyingly i still miss your face
and i’m not sure if you’re entirely the reason but
more-or-less every day i think of you and miss you

i’m right it’s that i’m
lonely’s the problem
and i set myself up to get let down and i’m miserable,
useless, bad company, ugly
unremarkable, unmistakably
critically lonely

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DUH!

customer outreach, cold-call fever
fury
outrage, “sweeping the nation”
this persons main concern is
immigration

me my main concern is education
or health

education or health

“FAISÁN” : a poem about poultry again / SAY GRACE 6?

PHI-SANTE

had a run in wi 2
dead couple birds the other day

and i made a gravy (pheasants by the way)
gravy granules boiling water
port and jellyredcurrent
and dark chocolate bit thereof

roasted em i roasted em
but when it came to carvin em i didn’t have a clue
and my dad came home
and made it look easy he
chopped them up with a big heavy knife
and handled them like the slimy roasted
cooked dead birds that they were

and i heard things crack and tear
and we ate a bit
and later he used the rest to make a stir fry

dead birds again dead birds again
my family /dead birds again
can pheasants fly dead birds again
dead birds again this christmas yeah
with gravies made for dead birds cooked i’m hungry happy holidays

i’m an only child and i think it shows

at least i’m writing again
mostly whining and wallowing
and wailing in wanting i
want to be wanted
and in absence of wanted i go from
worthless to jealous to paranoid to angry to
worthless to worthless to writing

*this might help*

feeling sick and weird and feeling full
of air or fear/on edge, aware of some
impending crushing sensation, i’m bleeding out

this new sensation, felt
physically and mentally
hard to see straight/concentration fading
into shivering unaccounted for
i’m weakness incarnate/i’m vulnerable
these 4 walls
and these 4 walls
and these 4 walls are not for me/wherever i go
is not for me when i’m
hyper-aware of my heart and my little innards
that don’t deserve it and never hurt anyone
i’m bleeding out and anxious
faintly throbbing numbness/feeling
full to the brim on nothing
and scared of it

and frustration today had me frustrated
mutated into some meta-frustration
unaccounted for/i’m bleeding out