downhill* state of mind

fuck about waitin on them first post
hangin out on a tab perpetually
eventually clicked and completed
fleeting poems about poems about
deeds and ventures, mastication
miscellaneous spelt right on the first try
leccy spatulas zappin house fies, honey
i x‘d the y, the team try-outs
and open air auctions for them
summer-breeze buy-outs/honey the winds
are in our favour,
and we’re better off for it!

literal downhill/in a good way
in a slight huh-ray but it’s fine cos theyz
a spring on your step n they
awaiting you but it’s fine

talking to myself, but talking to myself ‘cool’

outta practice/in heat
this fleeting visit , where i
briefly touch on points we’ve seen
outlining key areas/
post-it notes with scrawlings
highlight flaws/critique grimacing, and
if i could segway into my final point(s)
surrounded by empty water bottles but
not a drop to drink but for enough to stop
my choke on toast in hope the bloat is brief

slicing my name in torsos
fame cementation through laceration
survivors strive for defamation
of a shape shifting name changing
clever clever boy

never seen meals like these never
heard or seen or thought to say
i thought you knew but i gave you too
much credit, and i’m sorry i’m stern
but sometimes helpful hurts
i digress

again my final point but for
a final pause to think to form
a paper publication.
deploring lack of action and of..
leaving marks that last on the world
and at half past 3 in the morning with
half arsed bars n segway wheels en masse
going opposite directions with enough momentum
making dustbowl tornados taking roofs off houses
scalping homes and killing people
a hypnotising birds-eye view
a potentially lethal peephole

“don’t go there, it’s windy there”
i’m gonna make a zine

and how

these is what works for me n
these is what gives me but
i needs more mediums n skills to express what
can come through, what would’ve been
brought out, about by energy/momentum
brought about by the presence of others who bring out
the best in me but i don’t wana be reliant, i
wanna bring out my best all by myself

something of a manifesto

all i need’s a hit! t’be back n on track
a chin soaring, face gleaming/beaming, chest swelling
tear jerker, thought provoker
poking round and testing waters
finding flows for me this year n
tryin not to second guess n
lettin loose n
bein loose n
yearnin not to lose my touch
with what i say i hold so dear, so
i put my words where my mouth is..
n proclaim that this is my space
my stomping ground where i say and scream and flail n writhe
as i please/at my discretion/in all directions and
i wish on, wistfully. casting pebbles for luck n
hurling deadly stones alike n
loving sincerely, unconditionally & authentically.
and setting fires to tell stories by n
laying claim to this tiny corner/patch of space, connected.
i’m a google result, but my network doesn’t know cos
i’m afraid of a sea of the whats and the who’s,
the thoughts and the critics, the cynics too
the sprawling, imagined expanse of liquid critique,
n the hatch opens/drenches/drowns
every word i’ve ever said, washed away before me
while conjured judging lenses deconstruct my stories.
so i sit and neglect what could be a talent or a calling or
at least something that heals me
(and it does so every time) and it will always be,
perpetually OK to need affirmation of the self
and to attain aforementioned through self expression
and authenticity, remains key
for me at least

mum boy (working title)

writin new bits here and there/not committin
ever-transmittin ever-expressin/ventin, findin
pace i catch the wind n i soar on, saw me swoop in
snatch, and gut prey in a tree
bustin nuts up a tree n i fly on, on over them trees
n through them eagle-vision eye beads i see
with that heat mapping, the free wifi
the GPS – i’m an animal with like eleven senses
locked in by the suction cups, the drips, the hydropumps
mainframe reclinin’/
endless scrollin’ as a new feature in whatever
forever wading into some twisting void
/while imagined judging eyes compromise truth

b authentic

the internet went down for a bit (write n flex more)

when the brinternet down i’m a sucker for a word doc
flock back to that program older than time
microsoft office as an institution as an entity
once-overbearing hegemony, and you can owe all the laughs you’ve had
at comic sans’ expense, to office, to word
the powerpoints/the excel crew
presenters, writers, money makers
office dwellers, all have been and i ponder a future where office is a relic
where the final known copy is kept, installed on a laptop in some museum circa ~20XX
remaining somewhat overlooked but free to use
and wiped, weekly

a more impressionistic direction this year,
however going ever-further and staying true to
abstract absurdities assimilating my condition
crucial to my experience, my plot device
my welcome vice, my font of self worth
n i’m reliant to the point of vulnerability but this place is something I have complete agency over
agency to learn and expand within, to hone within/refine within
agency to not

but i want to do this forever and i want to be excited about it forever,
and i ask where to channel my energy
i ask how to control and direct focus,
i ask where motivation comes from, really
perhaps the promise of some reward, and if the price is right, then maybe i will do this forever
maybe the question is to want to want