a poem to redeem today

Horizon
honestly
moaning gets me nowhere lyrically
except for sometimes but even then
only retrospectively

and moaning lyrically never tends to get
me anywhere else mentally
instead accentuates this plight of me
instead perpetuates this fright in me this
dread of me dead bored of me i self indulge
masochistically
seemingly

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sicknote (signed)

figure i don’t gotta address it but i’ll give it a go/
even though probably no-
one noticed

my leave of absence /my
sabbatical or something

and it was alright and i did write but
it did feel like a break and i do feel
rejuvenated

and if i also could address/discuss
how hard it is for me to
drill habits into me, especially
ones that i know i need

but i’m often thinkin bout my form,
where to go next/when to tell
the next story/when to vent,
and how. and now
there’s less doubt at least
for the time being




DUMPING SOME POEMS I WROTE OVER MY ‘BREAK’
THE BREAK WAS PARTLY INTENTIONAL BUT ALSO I HAD NO INTERNET
ENJOY/IT’S GOOD TO BE ‘BACK’

an h(/fr)omage to how i used to sound

sounds like a
crises plural/ lice
surround me/ hounds like
dinner time gather round
the waterin hole on the dole
on the day and
on the day that morning she
did her business blending as she do

shallow fryin she misses the way
she used to see all kinds of food get
wrought and grated
moulded and broiled and
covered in sweaty pastries n
wrapped in thinly cut meats
nondescript slabs of meats
peppered and slapped and ground grimacing

the way she used to see him ooze it/the way
he embodied soft cheese conceptually
trudged around proudly he felt
adequate thanks to her
knowing gaze

when wanting to want becomes wanting

1277px-Édouard_Manet_-_The_Toilers_of_the_Sea_-_Google_Art_Project

i am but a cabin boy on choppy waters, land ho(?)
pic somewhat related



writing on an empty stomach
losing juice losing weight but
persisting with what i perceive as lost

long for the quick grat’
on screen endeavours
the quick fixes, the
slow burners the
self consuming fallacies
that shits BAD for me

long to feel proud/to
read back like i did good n
walk proud the next day like
i is good

confidence confidence confidence momentum
these words is whatever/i’ve skipped
to the back of the queue, got hoops
to re jump n re-re jump through
n press ups n clap press ups
star jumps mentally, teach me what a jumping jack is
n i’ll fucking turn it into a take down or a submission move
i’m adaptable, i’m ice cold
i’m a killer/i got you in a jumping jack
half master nelson lock-hold AKA the
death lock-hold
make you tap out like ding-ding-ding/watch you
walk home in shame/have you followed n
flogged n brought to me alive n
defiled/watch me hop back into the queue like i’m
not back/possibly
never gonna be back possibly
never gonna feel ready or
feel like these are the days
or like i’m on form these days
but at least maybe possibly
there’s a chance that i could ever so slightly
be improving mentally
edging closer to something loosely resembling
stability