an h(/fr)omage to how i used to sound

sounds like a
crises plural/ lice
surround me/ hounds like
dinner time gather round
the waterin hole on the dole
on the day and
on the day that morning she
did her business blending as she do

shallow fryin she misses the way
she used to see all kinds of food get
wrought and grated
moulded and broiled and
covered in sweaty pastries n
wrapped in thinly cut meats
nondescript slabs of meats
peppered and slapped and ground grimacing

the way she used to see him ooze it/the way
he embodied soft cheese conceptually
trudged around proudly he felt
adequate thanks to her
knowing gaze

when wanting to want becomes wanting

1277px-Édouard_Manet_-_The_Toilers_of_the_Sea_-_Google_Art_Project

i am but a cabin boy on choppy waters, land ho(?)
pic somewhat related



writing on an empty stomach
losing juice losing weight but
persisting with what i perceive as lost

long for the quick grat’
on screen endeavours
the quick fixes, the
slow burners the
self consuming fallacies
that shits BAD for me

long to feel proud/to
read back like i did good n
walk proud the next day like
i is good

confidence confidence confidence momentum
these words is whatever/i’ve skipped
to the back of the queue, got hoops
to re jump n re-re jump through
n press ups n clap press ups
star jumps mentally, teach me what a jumping jack is
n i’ll fucking turn it into a take down or a submission move
i’m adaptable, i’m ice cold
i’m a killer/i got you in a jumping jack
half master nelson lock-hold AKA the
death lock-hold
make you tap out like ding-ding-ding/watch you
walk home in shame/have you followed n
flogged n brought to me alive n
defiled/watch me hop back into the queue like i’m
not back/possibly
never gonna be back possibly
never gonna feel ready or
feel like these are the days
or like i’m on form these days
but at least maybe possibly
there’s a chance that i could ever so slightly
be improving mentally
edging closer to something loosely resembling
stability

my monster (that i pray to)

Fishermen in a Rough Sea

ite now, after some reflection//

i’m tidal/
seismic shifts in mood
autumnal n maybe the heat got to me
beat-myself-up over not-gettin-to
the word doc, no momentum
lacked the magic
brawled myself

and basically i am a massive fucking idiot for
reasons that are too boring to go into and
i never learn from my mistakes and
i am selfish and i am boring

and i guess this is like therapy/
maybe ventin got a hold of me for
reasons that are too boring to go into
so i need to grow up
and mature and focus,

yeah FUCK image
no, WORSHIP it!
let it CONSUME you! from the inside and
leave you EMPTY!

but maybe you think empty’s comfy

i wanna cancel you out
i want to enter as person B
and become person A by default
only logical,
natural

i wanna become person infinity
person hund-o, person sixty-nine
person winkyface/person acronym
the invisible man
the shopkeeper/the quest giver

ornamental/vacant
maybe sometimes i want things to be that simple
maybe i’m closer to ‘that simple’ than i thought i was

/yeah i wanna feel good, fast
wanna be your golden boy/

wanna be good enough for me
*takes a hold of your hand* stay

and i can barely stay on topic at this point
barometer skyrockets/bursts
off the Richter scale/never before seen heights
record numbers
nonsense, U-turns
twists, i slip
and fumble my way around
shuffling around/navigating/illustrating
my point(s) vaguely, in the dark
mumbling, bumbling
grovelling/shying away
what can i say,
mood controlled today