the internet went down for a bit (write n flex more)

when the brinternet down i’m a sucker for a word doc
flock back to that program older than time
microsoft office as an institution as an entity
once-overbearing hegemony, and you can owe all the laughs you’ve had
at comic sans’ expense, to office, to word
the powerpoints/the excel crew
presenters, writers, money makers
office dwellers, all have been and i ponder a future where office is a relic
where the final known copy is kept, installed on a laptop in some museum circa ~20XX
remaining somewhat overlooked but free to use
and wiped, weekly

a more impressionistic direction this year,
however going ever-further and staying true to
abstract absurdities assimilating my condition
crucial to my experience, my plot device
my welcome vice, my font of self worth
n i’m reliant to the point of vulnerability but this place is something I have complete agency over
agency to learn and expand within, to hone within/refine within
agency to not

but i want to do this forever and i want to be excited about it forever,
and i ask where to channel my energy
i ask how to control and direct focus,
i ask where motivation comes from, really
perhaps the promise of some reward, and if the price is right, then maybe i will do this forever
maybe the question is to want to want

people watching / people thinking


docile peep-all
civil chatter, twists and turns in
conversation,  glancing questions
stopping staff and more chat made.
while rapport manifests around me
and i feel overwhelmed by all these
humans all with agency, all
processing, they take on board all
that they say and what is said
decisions made, now new things said
and faces lighting up, all brains
are contemplating, stimulated
gratified, they’re vivified – i’m overwhelmed by chemistry
i ponder motivation, ponder what it is
that drives us all, to say what next
and what to do, what means to take
to ends if any, and indeed at every turn
i ask but why, i ask for what
and rightly so all answers vary
however, ever-stemming
back to things relatable

respect, accruement, recognition
sex and sex and self expression,
we yearn for substance in
relationships and to be loved
or to be seen, to be acknowledged

or loved ones often coming first
providers thrive with those they love
i ponder one who dies for one they’ve never met
i consider values trickling down
and ask myself if i envy the selfless

we’re greedy though. we live within
a culture of excess, we’re led by
jealousy through total human agency

and once again i’m overwhelmed by
chemistry in motion