i wish things were that simple

thats the person i[d be with u that’s
the persons we’d b together i miss u  nd
long for u always for years n u know it

one day but i’m not
holdin my breath

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when the f- (old draft that is qw8 nice)

you shared with me the
phallocentric connotations of the so called
ivory tower

it’s lonely up there too i notice
and i agree i think i’d rather it be
something more decentralised i
wanna be a node in a network

&sadly it’s so easy for me
to want more and more to be wanted
and feel less and less appreciated and feel
more and more forgotten
isolation / i could keep the tower
provided i found safety in the welcome
arms of another

&everywhere’s a bubble really
if you ask around

Ser Eustus / “the Dog Virtues”

the old dog mel mccuddinit’s my birthday today
thanks it feels OK

i spent most of this morning dreaming bout befriending
dogs with names like ‘Ser Eustus’
lurchers n dobermen /not daschunds but mastiffs but
great dane, that was it
Ser Eustus was a great dane

and over breakfast i wondered what a dog can do to a person
or for a person rather
(saying this i watched a horror film the other night
where funnily enough i saw some of the things dogs can do
TO people, FOR other people
unfortunately this poem/meandering blog post will not be about that kind of thing)

maybe a dog gives a person an excuse to love
when they didn’t know they needed an excuse in the first place
and soon enough loving at least this one thing becomes habit
and love trickles down and through and a person is happy
(or more inclined to be)
not to mention the responsibility of looking after a dog
responsibility is good for a person also, i think

i realise these perhaps
are examples of what a person might do for themselves, through a dog
as opposed to what a dog does for a person

i suppose in my totally and forever
unjustified and undeserved opinion
what a dog does for a person is offer them a bond of companionship
like no other – that’s probably it isn’t it?
and briefly looking through descriptions of
dog breeds on the internet
i see words like “dignified”
“courageous” and “patient”
“devoted to family” (shoutout to this dog in particular
for like augustus and many others
they see the breakdown of the family unit
as detrimental to the well-being of the state)
“quietly intelligent” and i didn’t see ‘graceful’ but i often catch myself
describing dogs as graceful
and i’m sure you have too and if you haven’t i suggest you
set about doing so with immediate effect
or at least looking for the grace in some dogs
needless to say i’m sure most of us find aforementioned virtues
in dogs with little to no effort
as silly as they sound
anyway

in disgrace charles burton barberi like the idea of someone organising your birthday for you
you wake up on the day
potentially next to them but y’know
not necessarily

and they have a plan and they
take you along and you take it for granted in most cases
and i don’t want a dog for my birthday
but when it’s a dogs birthday i like to think they get similar treatment
and they remain enthusiastic and loyal throughout
just like they are all the time
so i suppose what i’m saying is that
in a somewhat human undoglike way
i would have appreciated being walked today

 

if a x y’s in their z and no1 is around to hear it, do it garner a reacc?

u were a go2 for a bit and in a way u still are
u were reliable and kind and groundingpraygirl
and totally available but these things to me
u r no longer

ur a go2 at the mo in times of loneliness
end up
findin myself wantin n blamin
n so hurt n stagnant thinkin
things aren’t normal for me n
i know how i want them to b:

back to the best version of
normality for a long time

i’m sometimes a bit OK

Kriváň in haze
i think today i
worked hard and played hard

and i kept my cool for the most part too
i spent not too long thinking of you i
stuck to my plans all the way through and i
found and find solace in excelling in what i do

i’m a good student and my teachers like me or at least i think they do
or at least i think some of them do

adequacies i urge myself to savour