Ser Eustus / “the Dog Virtues”

the old dog mel mccuddinit’s my birthday today
thanks it feels OK

i spent most of this morning dreaming bout befriending
dogs with names like ‘Ser Eustus’
lurchers n dobermen /not daschunds but mastiffs but
great dane, that was it
Ser Eustus was a great dane

and over breakfast i wondered what a dog can do to a person
or for a person rather
(saying this i watched a horror film the other night
where funnily enough i saw some of the things dogs can do
TO people, FOR other people
unfortunately this poem/meandering blog post will not be about that kind of thing)

maybe a dog gives a person an excuse to love
when they didn’t know they needed an excuse in the first place
and soon enough loving at least this one thing becomes habit
and love trickles down and through and a person is happy
(or more inclined to be)
not to mention the responsibility of looking after a dog
responsibility is good for a person also, i think

i realise these perhaps
are examples of what a person might do for themselves, through a dog
as opposed to what a dog does for a person

i suppose in my totally and forever
unjustified and undeserved opinion
what a dog does for a person is offer them a bond of companionship
like no other – that’s probably it isn’t it?
and briefly looking through descriptions of
dog breeds on the internet
i see words like “dignified”
“courageous” and “patient”
“devoted to family” (shoutout to this dog in particular
for like augustus and many others
they see the breakdown of the family unit
as detrimental to the well-being of the state)
“quietly intelligent” and i didn’t see ‘graceful’ but i often catch myself
describing dogs as graceful
and i’m sure you have too and if you haven’t i suggest you
set about doing so with immediate effect
or at least looking for the grace in some dogs
needless to say i’m sure most of us find aforementioned virtues
in dogs with little to no effort
as silly as they sound

in disgrace charles burton barberi like the idea of someone organising your birthday for you
you wake up on the day
potentially next to them but y’know
not necessarily

and they have a plan and they
take you along and you take it for granted in most cases
and i don’t want a dog for my birthday
but when it’s a dogs birthday i like to think they get similar treatment
and they remain enthusiastic and loyal throughout
and on that note i would briefly promise myself to employ and apply
and practice what i will now call “the dog virtues” as much as i can
so i suppose what i’m saying is that i would have appreciated
being walked today in one sense or another



if a x y’s in their z and no1 is around to hear it, do it garner a reacc?

u were a go2 for a bit and in a way u still are
u were reliable and kind and groundingpraygirl
and totally available but these things to me
u r no longer

ur a go2 at the mo in times of loneliness
end up
findin myself wantin n blamin
n so hurt n stagnant thinkin
things aren’t normal for me n
i know how i want them to b:

back to the best version of
normality for a long time

oh go on then

for some girl what asked me
simple as that really /but
wait: don’t go
gettin any ideas this is
strictly business so no funny business like
challenge accepted so nothing personal so
sorry not sorry /this poem isn’t gonna be about you
or at least not from now on

every now and then i stalk this guy i have on facebook
i met him once and added him and where do i begin so like
he’s terrifying but that is
the last place to begin you see
i met him once and added him and
where do i begin he’s all like

routine ice baths and “polyphasic sleeping”
“water fasting” and “ketogenic” eating
“ubersleeping” he’s a
self professed
“massive blender afficionado” and don’t tell him i’m low key stalkin (n laughin) cos
he lifts on like a diet of insects or summin and

today i learnt the word flexitarian(not-from-him)
/a plant based diet with the occasional addition of meat
/think veganuary and other such dietary
millennial trends

he’s “not big on physical gifts” and do you know what
fair play cos i can use that to seg-way
into a concluding. come contradicting point
: that potentially ; this resoundingly
non physical poem is a gift for some girl what asked me (on a dating app might i add_
for a gift lets say
in and of the internet (have a very nice day)

where does this go please

i can eat an orange by the mouthful
sometimes i prefer to / happy new year
i feel OK mostly except for now yeah
now i’m not quite sure but
i guess now i’m not explicitly
specifically bad so that’s a plus

does this all make too much sense
sometimes i read things that feel almost as though
this person has very consciously constructed it
to be inpenetrable
to me anyways
i’m a layman do i make too much sense
am i basic is this basic

am i dumbing you down serious question
maybe that’s the objective
or at least the new objective, or maybe it always was to an extent the objective
to dumb down the reader

to a point of vulnerability
them BLAM

“FAISÁN” : a poem about poultry again / SAY GRACE 6?


had a run in wi 2
dead couple birds the other day

and i made a gravy (pheasants by the way)
gravy granules boiling water
port and jellyredcurrent
and dark chocolate bit thereof

roasted em i roasted em
but when it came to carvin em i didn’t have a clue
and my dad came home
and made it look easy he
chopped them up with a big heavy knife
and handled them like the slimy roasted
cooked dead birds that they were

and i heard things crack and tear
and we ate a bit
and later he used the rest to make a stir fry

dead birds again dead birds again
my family /dead birds again
can pheasants fly dead birds again
dead birds again this christmas yeah
with gravies made for dead birds cooked i’m hungry happy holidays

i’m sometimes a bit OK

Kriváň in haze
i think today i
worked hard and played hard

and i kept my cool for the most part too
i spent not too long thinking of you i
stuck to my plans all the way through and i
found and find solace in excelling in what i do

i’m a good student and my teachers like me or at least i think they do
or at least i think some of them do

adequacies i urge myself to savour