hot feet at night n try as i might i can’t
kick the feeling of feeling empty inside

and believe me i try

to keep busy /to excercise
maintain a tidy space/ a tidy mind
i try to be nice i do favours

but im lost still potentially without you potentially without
what you represented or the space you filled you
angel i miss you still


stand up dad says a man about 60
standing proudish but i can’t help but ponder how this must feel

stand up dad he says gesturing
n him and his wife have placed the old mans feet
squarely at the foot of his wheelchair

and the old man stares blankly ahead and through his son,
come on dad, stand up and his wife holds her hand out
old man takes her hand and makes as if to shake it /stand up dad i look away

i dread it and it makes me sad/ i think of the logistics
probably helped him into those shorts those sandals dad i dread it
the ever encroaching twilight years we think about our parents
ourselves and of our children and we think of the logistics

stand up dad persistent
daddy i believe in you and daddy can you hear me and
they help him up and hold him up and shuffle him along
and i am thankful for his wife for him and thankful for them both

things what i can do


i’m really good at chopsticks now i
not on piano but i could but
on food like on stir fries n this
evening i used frozen peas to
save time but to
practice pickin
things up with my chopsticks flippin
peas up nonstop choppin.stickin.
scoopin made me dextrous
correlative pace gone n helped me digestion
pea at a time, i save the best till last
i save the saucy noods sendin me saucy noods n i
can chop sticks when guiness comes knockin
peas pennys steak if guiness came knockin
other chop-sticks and porridge and chopsticks’ people
eyes and nosehairs and gag ref-lexes /can drive a lexus
flexin /girl with the flaxen hair

now there’s a song i can play

edward hopper early sunday morning

i’m lonely’s the problem
occupied but not quite motivated or
fulfilled and i’m lonely’s the backdrop

annoyingly i still miss your face
and i’m not sure if you’re entirely the reason but
more-or-less every day i think of you and miss you

i’m right it’s that i’m
lonely’s the problem
and i set myself up to get let down and i’m miserable,
useless, bad company, ugly
unremarkable, unmistakably

i wish things were that simple

thats the person i[d be with u that’s
the persons we’d b together i miss u  nd
long for u always for years n u know it

one day but i’m not
holdin my breath

when the f- (old draft that is qw8 nice)

you shared with me the
phallocentric connotations of the so called
ivory tower

it’s lonely up there too i notice
and i agree i think i’d rather it be
something more decentralised i
wanna be a node in a network

&sadly it’s so easy for me
to want more and more to be wanted
and feel less and less appreciated and feel
more and more forgotten
isolation / i could keep the tower
provided i found safety in the welcome
arms of another

&everywhere’s a bubble really
if you ask around